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To be deeply seen by someone is a blessing. We all have experienced a moment in our lives where this happened. Where we felt that many of the layers, burdens, flaws, and wounds slipped right off, leaving only the essence of who we are. To be witnessed as a soul, apart from our personality, was a gift. You probably can still feel the density of this moment, right now. Palpable beauty. The world simple and clear.
At that moment, the witness confirms what we have known all along. Their eyes become the magnifying glass that enhances the light of our soul. We stand naked in front of the person that has enough presence and generosity to see who we truly are. This event serves as a permission slip for our soul to land more in our embodied life. There’s nothing other than grace that can define such a moment.
This is why I would suggest that to be seen in the uniqueness of our soul is fundamental. It is what we all long for. I recently had such an experience and, fortunately, have had several in my life. I hold these moments dear to my heart and use them as beacons to map my path of development. They show me what I’m here to do.
Through experiences like this, I’ve come to understand that being seen by someone also requires receptivity on my part. The seer is only half of the equation. Which makes me think, how often are we being seen in our essence but can’t see (receive) it ourselves?
The world can be a mirror of the soul if the mirror is clean enough. However, we often have a lot of fear, shame, and unworthiness around being seen in our light. Acquired through times when it wasn’t safe to express the excellence of our soul.
Underqualified for a Blessing
When I was twelve I attended a private catholic middle school. My family wasn’t catholic but my parents placed me there seeking a safer learning environment.
I enjoyed it because I was intrigued at this age by questions that only religion seemed to address. It was somehow a nice feeling for me to have some sort of spiritual orientation. I had connected spiritually years before that, but I felt like I lacked guidance in this area of life.
As you could imagine, the school was quite conservative and held true to the principles of catholicism. It was my first insight into a more traditional path of connection and I quickly became aware of the fear that religion has projected onto God.
This led to my own fear and unworthiness which, of course, did not give me a free choice in how I established my connection with the Divine, but instead invited constraints.
We had a learning period three times a week dedicated to theology. We would also attend mass every Wednesday. Since I wasn’t confirmed catholic, I was unable to participate in several parts of the service.
Specifically, I couldn’t receive the most central sacrament of the religion – the wine and bread given as holy communion. From my understanding, these are ingested to feel and embody our inherent union with God.
In hindsight, I feel that this was a critical point in my relationship with the creative force of life. After which, I started to question my connection, naturally making me question myself.
However, somewhere deep inside I felt that I could never be outside of creation – apart or distant from the creator – and this is the place where I tucked my spiritual longing away. In the depths of my heart, where no one could question or make me qualify for a relationship that came before birth.
As the choir rejoiced and sang the Italian Hymns, I remember watching the kids standing in line to receive their sacrament. I and a few others sat in the pews left out of the ceremony.
Anger, sadness, and loneliness are what I can picture running through me as I watched the deacon, clodded in white with his conical gold poncho draped over, hand each kid their blessing. In a sense, validation of their own divinity and wholeness. A validation that I was unable to receive.
I remember longing to be able to stand in that line. The confusion of both knowing that I didn’t need to qualify to receive a blessing and doubting that possibility, stirred in my heart.
Catholicism was incoherent for me. From what I saw at the time, the principles were not represented in actions by its followers. On top of that, so much felt left out of acceptance by this All-Knowing power and seemed unlikely to me.
So the yearning to be in that line wasn’t simply about fitting in. The confirmation of my soul is what I wanted.
Simply Being
Maybe your story is different, but I would bet the theme resonates through many of us. In a society hell-bent on its certifications, testimonials, credentials, and qualifications we find ourselves in a pandemic of self-improvement plans.
The need to get things right and be something more is predicated on the undoing, long ago, of our right to be. Hence, our neuroses around self-worth are a symptom of our step out of alignment with the Truth that being here is enough.
Not to say that we don’t have anything to do here. The opposite. When we restore being, we receive blessings naturally – life brings them to us. Then we have to do something with the blessing.
The blessing is grace, unique for each individual, and it is up to you to serve through what you have been graced with. That’s the contract between you and God. It cannot be known outside of your specific relationship.
I realize now that the anger from feeling that I need to be something other than I am has propelled a large portion of my path. It has driven me to investigate my body-mind complex through the lens of many different traditions and practices.
But, through all my self-perfection projects, I have continuously landed back on that one truth: Being here is enough.
There is an inherent blessing in the fact that we are living. All wisdom traditions are leading us to this realization. To have a living experience of not needing to get somewhere else.
An embodied knowing that we are, to quote Paramahansa Yogananda, “made of the substance of God. A spark of the Fire of Spirit. An atom in the Cosmic Flame. A cell in the vast Universal Body.”
The truth is, no one stands between you and the creative force of life. This is what I have learned in the many years of self-discovery since being that 12-year-old boy feeling like he was standing on the sidelines of the grand Cosmic Game, but longing to be a player in it.
We have direct access. No mediation needed. That doesn’t mean that we have to go at it alone, but we have a choice about who we want to walk with. We might seek out the support of others but they can only reflect our own light to give us a boost on our journey.
The beautiful thing is that life will most certainly bring these moments to you when you need them. The blessing could even be staring you in the eye while you’re looking for something more extravagant. In that case, always remember being here is enough.