When the Man Leaves the Room
A Man's Calling in These Times
Man has repeatedly not left by choice, but by circumstance. The history of his departure has often been unpleasant. To fight a war, hunt, work, and all the other ways he has sacrificed himself to provide security for his family, friends, and even country.
Modern man is less obliged by such circumstances, however, he still has the tendency to leave. His history is not entirely behind him. Suffocated by his grim past, where there was no space in this world for his heart, he longs to open.
This longing drives him directly to a source, his emotional absence – the need to shut himself off so he could be strong enough to make such sacrifices. The heart became as cold and dark as a Scandinavian winter and energy was repurposed to the navel for the ardor to fight.
Many a time, man’s gut has been mistaken for heart. While he may leave the room standing tall in strength, his inner world hurts. For he has also left an intimate and eternal room – the room of his heart. Every time he has left without a choice, he has also left his essence. The heartache of leaving the connections he longed for the most was too much to bear, so he also abandoned his heart.
¨Where are the real men?¨ a man-seeking woman may ask. Little does she know that the men are asking the same question. Consciously or unconsciously, he’s looking around to see who’s got it. He looks to his father and his father’s father seeing that they’ve struggled with the same dilemma. Who’s discovered the way out of the rough shell of insecurity into the heart? And how the hell did he do so while keeping his damn strength, power, and freedom?
Today's man sees clearly that he has been misled, conditioned into a false masculinity. Through this, he is learning to stay. Not only in his physical environment but also in his center. Nevertheless, the herculean grip of his condition remains. It’s one thing to see the pattern and another to transform it. This is the man of today’s journey.
How Could He Embark on Such a Journey?
What if when he was taken over by the need to leave, he actually felt how it was – the intensity of his emotional landscape? What if he took the time to inquire about what leaving means? What it brings and what it takes from him. And what if he did this with other men who also wish to transform this dark cloud surrounding their gender?
It’s clear that men need each other to sort this out, which means connection and, therefore, vulnerability. The false masculine’s near enemy. To express vulnerability would mean that his persona, all he thinks he is, falls away and a realization that his manhood was solely a concept. To the false masculine this looks like a complete loss of power and freedom, his biggest fear.
However, the power that he gained from running his strength and numbing his heart was always an illusion. Strength without vulnerability always destroys itself because it’s alone. Strength is not in relation to the world without a receptive quality. Therefore it burns the world down seeing everything and everyone as a threat.
So man must let go of his concept. His ideal, reliant on the conditions that were passed to him by his forefathers, cannot help in his journey of transformation. He must approach his manhood in a new and unknown way.
It’s essential for him to bring other men with him. He need not journey alone, for his desire to do it alone is a symptom of the willpower gained from a shut-down heart. Working together, the men will likely face all their tendencies to express false masculinity, but through time they will find their way. They will emerge established in masculinity beyond their furthest-reaching concept, although completely natural and familiar.
Through vulnerability, men will restore their choice. Uncovering all that was lost, renounced, or sacrificed along the way, they will grieve – together. Men will grieve their lack of orientation and all the ways they were led astray. They will mourn not being able to fully take their place in the world.
Hence, they will feel their anger. They will see the lack of space for this anger in the world and therefore see how they broke the connection from everything they loved when it manifested. They will glimpse how alone they have been in this, together, and then they will see that this is no longer the case. This time is different. Through the coherence men build together, they will find space for this anger to land. Thereupon, their true masculine power will be restored.
The anger that was previously unable to be kept in relation will become a power source to fulfilling the man's purpose. It will drive him to the extremes that he is able to withstand, but by choice this time around. All while staying connected to his heart. No doubt he will express his masculinity in the most pure, healthy, and natural way. Having found his place, that man becomes a tonic for the world.
This is a calling for men to come together with the intention of creating space for that which hasn't had space before. An establishment of brotherhood, with increasing levels of sensitivity and precision needed as the work expands collectively. Space to touch the wounds that have been carried for centuries and bring them to their completion. If not for us, our sons, nephews, or Godsons.
Find your brothers and begin to let these things stir in you. Talk about it. Build resonance and trust with each other through a consistent aim of transparency. There’s no method, tool, technique, or protocol for this. It’s something we must develop on our own and it starts by taking responsibility for the wound. All while knowing that true masculinity is of course always in us and trusting in the intelligence of life to walk us through the layers to return home.
It’s time that we take care of each other in this way and realize that any separation is already a symptom of our longing, numb hearts. I pray that we may give ourselves to this process. That we can consciously choose whether to stay or leave. That we become what the world needs from us at this moment.