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I come from a place that has chosen to over-emphasize and confuse conditioned “manly” qualities with masculinity. I come from a place where a man’s strength without receptivity is idealized. Where the warrior archetype rules his domain. Where he fraternizes with other men through only an impression of unshakeable power.
Leaving his vulnerability at the banks of the river, he once again draws his sword of sorrow, relentless in his pursuit to live up to his name. He’s fighting. Day and night. With willpower unmatched, he marches into battle.
His inner world hurts, sad to the bone. His heart longing to be seen. Where could he lay his burden down, though? Everywhere, he sees his brothers in the same soul-crippling story. Not one can admit it to the others. They keep walking. Death and heartbreak are some of the only things that allow him to surface his sadness.
His heartbreak doesn’t end. He carries it on his own. What to do other than fight? It’s all he knows. He’s dying to express his sensitivity. His vulnerability. His absolute and existential fear of not living up to what they call a man. His dread of the day that he will at once have to lay down his sword and say “I Love You” – in complete surrender. This eats him up.
Would he dare speak up? Would he dare share with his brothers that he’s not alright? That he’s forever wretched with the agony of letting the world down? Who would receive him?
He carries on to a beat that leads him far from home. “I am a Man,” he says. “I must find a way.” Carry on, my friend… He forges his path, albeit forcefully. Life opens willingly, as it does, in hopes that he could see that there’s a more easeful path.
A Natural Man is tough to spot because he lives outside the cultural convention. He’s sensitive but rough. Compassionate but direct. Unhurried yet fast-moving. Open, transparent, and vulnerable hence standing in nobility.
He protects and defends when he needs to. Ask for help when required. Cries when the situation prompts tears. Teaches, guides, and speaks when appropriate, but constantly listens. Doesn’t take himself too seriously, and plays when he feels.
When something is critical, he focuses. When someone is in need, he gives himself. When he faces an obstacle, he looks to it for teaching. He is completely ordinary. Natural.
That is why we miss him.
Could this naturalness be defined any other way than being completely and totally himself? He knows his place. Guided by his instinct, he acts when called and otherwise listens. He lives the way he was meant to. Leaves a pure trace.
Since his trace is pure, it can’t be followed. It’s his path alone. His world isn’t dominated by how-to’s, techniques, or self-development. His rhythms are idiosyncratic to the standard eye. The thread that weaves him to nature’s pulse. He has no mission other than this. To be seamlessly braided into the tapestry of life, such as the roots and the Earth become one.
That is why we miss him.
The Natural Man is humble. He does the work that he needs to do. The enjoyable parts, the challenging parts, and the mundane are all equal to him. When finished, he steps away from his work. He does not loiter in the gardens of notoriety, nor does he repel the spotlight when it comes.
He sees women as his greatest teachers, elegantly articulating every little detail he finds so challenging to express. He doesn’t try to understand her, but stands under her. His compassionate strength allows him to hold her in her tender proclivities. She too has her doubts about this natural man and consequently tests his gentle power. He has nothing to prove.
He fears many things but that doesn’t stop him. He makes friends with what seems like a problem. Uses his emotions as a power source. When he’s confused, he slows down even more. The Natural Man’s closest allies are those that are critical of his movements. Feedback is an opportunity to learn. He welcomes failure.
That is why we miss him.
But the world needs this natural man. Balance is unkept without his presence. Maybe we miss him today. But tomorrow he’s still here. This potential lies within all men, longing to be remembered. A future that’s meant for us.
His significance is not dependent on being seen – although this True Man has alluded us, he stands here. The eternal son of life. Waiting to be reclaimed by those who yearn to meet him.
If you have a feeling that there’s a better way. More harmonious way. New way. Maybe ancient way. Ask that place what it knows.